As a heterodox Bahá'í I was surrounded by loving, spiritual friends in a wonderful community that was very stimulating both for me and my children. We were working on learning to be good Bahái's and following the teachings to the best of our abilities.   When an active member withdrew with no explanation why, I was determined to find the cause and win him back with love and encouragement from the writings.   When he expressed his concern that the Hands had made a mistake by declaring the Guardianship at an end, I was determined to convince him of his mistake and dove deep into studying the writings, specifically the book The Covenant of Bahá'u'lláh by Taherzadeh.

After much prayer and asking many questions of my heterodox friends, I came to the realization that I needed to choose between the two Bahá'í Faiths.   It seemed to me that it all boiled down to whether Bahá'u'lláh intended for his branches or sons to be blood related or spiritually related.   Since our spirit is so much more important it seemed logical that the Guardians needed to be spiritually whole.   Therefore, it made sense that the blood relation was unimportant.

Many of the heterodox believers were concerned about my spiritual health and feared that I could get a "spiritual disease".  The concept of covenant breaking was never of interest to me; yet suddenly I found myself in danger of being shunned. Even worse, if I chose to remain a heterodox Bahá'í I would have to shun people whom I felt were no threat whatsoever to me.    As I studied the way Bahá'u'lláh and ‘Abdu'l-Bahá treated covenant breakers it became clear that they were always loving towards them and hopeful that they would change.    Also, the true covenant breakers were guilty of attempting to murder the Blessed Beauty or falsifying documents.  The Orthodox Bahái's I found to be normal people, and when I investigated the possibility of their documents being false found that the writings they study are the very same ones the heterodox Bahái's study.    (In fact I find the Orthodox Bahái's to be well versed in the writings and meticulous in sticking to the authenticated versions.)  So, how could their material be considered "Covenant Breaking" material?    Also, couldn't God with His power and Grace save me... a poor confused soul, devoted to Him regardless of what religion I call myself, from a spiritual disease?    My fear of contracting a disease was intense...yet, I had faith that even if God couldn't save me He could condemn me and therefore protect others, or He could let wonderful things happen to me so others would not be afraid to approach me.  I prayed He would do one or the other and subsequent to becoming an Orthodox Bahá'í many wonderful things have happened in my life.

Yet, yes I was and am shunned by all of my previous heterodox friends and the pain was very deep both for them and for me.  Still, God in His gentle way has guided me and blessed me in many other ways.    I do miss the fellowship of other Bahái's but choose to be faithful to God and the writings of Bahá'u'lláh and ‘Abdu'l-Bahá. Unless Shoghi Effendi was an imposter there is no way to follow the teachings without joining the Orthodox Bahái's, for they are the true Baháis and they are upholding the World Order of Bahá'u'lláh as described by Shoghi Effendi in his many writings, including The Dispensation and his cablegrams.

There are many quotes that give me assurance that a small group of faithful believers is all that is needed but one of my favorites is found in The World Order of Bahá'u'lláh on page 54 :

"Not by the material resources which the members of this infant community can now summon to their aid, nor by the numerical strength of its present day supporters; nor by any direct tangible benefits its votaries as can yet confer upon the multitude of the needy and the disconsolate among their countrymen should its potentialities be tested or its worth determined.   Nowhere but in the purity of its precepts, the sublimity of its standards, the integrity of its laws, the reasonableness of its claims, the comprehensiveness of its scope, the universality of its program, the flexibility of its institutions, the lives of its founders, the heroism of its martyrs, and the transforming power of its influence should the unprejudiced observer seek to obtain the true criterion that can enable him to fathom its mysteries or to estimate its virtue."

Another one that helped me to judge what to do is from Selections of the Writings of the Báb,  page 131:

"Should a person lay claim to a cause and produce his proofs then those who seek to repudiate him are required to produce proofs like unto his. If they succeed in doing so, his words will prove vain and they will prevail; otherwise neither his words will cease nor the proofs he hath set forth will become void.   I admonish you, o ye who are invested with the Bayan, if ye would fain assert your ascendancy, confront not any soul unless ye give proofs similar to that which he hath adduced; for truth shall be firmly established, while aught else besides it is sure to perish."

I am now, always have been, and forever will be a seeker of the truth. May God guide us all and help us.